I didn't die!

Nope, not dead... just getting divorced. Dun dun dunnnnn..... Please, bear with me during this transition. Awful, hilarity type shit is ensuing, I just haven't had time to blog a damn thing. Or, make a new header. It'll be just like the old one, except with 'Wife' crossed out. I've got some major material stored up for ya'll.

In the mean time, please... send me any and all funny shit you can about divorce and/or moving. And do not, I repeat do NOT send me one single fucking 'I'm so sorry' message. Real Talk.

The Beer Has Gone Bad

That title heading has nothing to with anything. It just popped in my head and I made an executive decision. It's my blog. I can do that kind of shit. It's a line from one of my fav movies Can't Hardly Wait. Look it up. I can recited quotes from it all day. "Amanduuuuuuh"! 

Anyway... it's been a hot minute because well, shit has kind of sucked. I'll spare you the sob story and just say that my life is going through some changes right now. Also, a week with no power during a heat wave sucks tiger balls. Why tiger balls? IDK. I should probably go with elephant balls. Ya, that's more like it. Having no power for a week in 107 degree heat sucks giant, droopy wrinkled, dusty elephant balls. Also, I've just decided that I'm going to attempt to set a new record for the number of times that I can say 'balls' in one blog posting. Wish me luck. 

This post really has no rhyme or rhythm to it. The shit that's gone down for me over the past week is not funny. It's tragic really. Or, could get my ass fired for posting publicly. Or, could implicate me in a court of law. Because I neither wish to be unemployed, or locked up, I'll have to omit most of it all. Balls. (You see what I did there?) My fourth of July also sucked random amazon balls. Ever accidentally sat down on a stinging ant hill? While wearing shorts? Ever applied cortizone cream to your lady bits? I can now say that I have. Do ants have balls? So yeah, not a fun night. However, I did go see Magic Mike. It. Was. Awesome! Ladies, if you desire to go see this movie, please.. do so! Also, take an extra pair of panties. Trust me. Also, sneak some alcohol into the theater. I did. 

Tiny bottles of Hypnotic = Big fun!

Kind of off subject, (Not that I had one to begin with. Balls) but if you're reading this, you should go like the facebook page. I'm looking for an admin. Somebody to post random, funny shit from time to time when I'm kept away or oh... say, have NO FUCKING POWER for a week straight! If you're interested, that'd be amazeballs. (Extra points for making up ball related words). Let me know. Or not. It's kind of whatever.