Thursday, March 28, 2013

What A Soft Bunny You Have.

I feel the urge to blog, but am at a loss for a solid topic.  Because I'm impulsive when left alone to my own devices and the voices ... I've decided to just fucking do it anyway... with no direction and see what happens. 

Anything of real interest, or gossip worthy can't be typed as once again, people who I actually know in real life read this shit sometimes.  Cant have them knowing shit I dont want them to know.... like how much shit I talk about them when they're not around. So all the good stuff must be saved for text with the bff, aka Liv as pre-disclosed in the previous post. 

Oh! That reminds me. Speaking of Liv - ever heard how some men name their junk? It's usually something laughable and dumb like Tiger ... let's be honest here guys: it's really not as great as you think it is.  In my experience, or the word-of-mouth experience of women I know - any man and I mean ANY man who brags about his junk is a fucking liar. You wanna talk about how big it is?  You probably can't get it up.  And what good is a giant mansicle if it's always all melted?  
If you say shit like how you've never had any complaints- that just means to your face.  I'm willing to bet that you also haven't had many repeat customers, either.  

The only way, ONLY way to know if your junk is up to par boys is if she doesn't walk away pissed and comes back again and again. Even that isn't fool proof. Some chicks are just dumb.  Ya, I said it. 

If your shit is actually great, and you're actually great with it - you won't need to brag about it.  So cut that shit out will ya???

I got off topic, but then again I never really laid out an exact topic so get off my back about it. Shit. As I was saying - know how some men name their junk? Well me and my girls started a trend to do the same. It all started as a joke. Somebody said I should call my ho-ha Suzy. That way, if I'm ever actually getting any, it could be like a secret code. The example was given to me: Out in a public place with the imaginary man I'm seeing. The urge hits. He lays down code by saying to me, in plain view of anybody: "Suzy just texted me. Says she wants to meet up in a few minutes" 

I thought this was hilarious as shit.  I told Jamie (midget dance off) about this funny conversation and she completely lost her shit. And so did her boyfriend. It wasn't too long before she informed me that her boyfriend thought Suzy was an outdated name but he was going to roll with it and as such, has decided to now call her  -V-  Bernadette. I almost died.  There for a little bit, it was all "How's Suzy?"   "Bored. she's going to pack her shit and leave me soon. How's Bernadette?" 

*You should be laughing right now. I am*

Over time, the nickname was shared with a few other friends and eventually Liv, who jumped on the bandwagon  I honestly can't remember how it came to be and I'll have to ask her to refresh my memory so that I can clarify, but Liv calls her shit "Bunny". I think she said it had something to do with needing petted or something. God, I hope she didn't say it was because it was really furry. Awkward.  

Anyway, a mutual friend of ours calls hers her kitty. And it apparently has teeth. I'm still not sure what that means, but it's fucking hilarious. Bunny does not have teeth. Suzy is bored. And Bernadette... well, Bernadette is hosting to someone many years her senior so I'm sure Bernadette is doing just fine. 

Today, Liv sent me a text about something shameful she did. She expected me to shake my finger at her and I kind of did. She's a big girl and makes her own decisions and we've ALL been there. But, as the bff - it's my job to love her through her shit and tell her to cut it the fuck out. Instead of lecturing Liv on her indiscretions,  I instead said:  "fuck it. it is what it is. you did what you did. you were safe. it's over. Now, cut that shit out or I'll lock Bunny in a fucking cage!"  This, was apparently the advice she needed me to provide because her response was "Yes. Lock her up and never give me the key. You know, until really necessary." 

I'm not sure what qualifies as "really necessary" though, so I'm torn. When is it okay to morally support my best bunny getting petted? 

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