Tuesday, June 26, 2012

What a cute baby you have...

This is just a short story, which stems of from my previous posting about midgets. Cutting to the chase... One time, I was driving to the hospital for clinicals or something. My route took me through down-town. Even a small town brings out their A game down-town. As I'm driving, something catches my eye out to my left. At first glance, it appears to be a mother, pushing her child in a stroller. This caught my attention for two reasons - 1. It's fucking down-town Lima, Ohio. Not exactly the place for a leisurely stroll. 2. I'm a woman, and love the chance to oogle other peoples children. Or, judge them and make myself feel better by comparison. Usually the later.

Upon closer inspection, I realized that my first assessment was in fact, very wrong. I was now openly gawking at was in fact NOT a mother pushing her child, but actually a middle aged woman, pushing what I can only assume to be her middle-aged midget boyfriend. In an umbrella stroller. In down-town fucking Lima.

I know, I know, I'm an asshole. While I should have felt some sympathy for the man who is unable to ambulate by his own means (his knees are probably all fucked up) I could only instead whip out my phone and try to take a pic before the light turned green. I was unable to get a pic, and will rue the day for all eternity.

HOW can I sleep at night? Vodka. Well, that and the fact that the chick looked like she had been rode hard and put back wet. I didn't get close enough, but I wouldn't have been surprised to have seen visible track marks and/or midget induced hickeys. And homeboy? Being born with a condition does not negate the lifestyle you live. So his outward appearance, and present company checks him off my list of people Im eager to donate my 10yr olds used clothing to. I'm kind of a cold-hearted bitch when a person refuses to help themselves. True, I don't know these people. But based on that, I reserve the right to assign to them any story-line that fits my first impression.

Real Talk.


  1. The only way this could have been funnier is if you'd said he was wearing a baby bonnet! LMAO!!!

  2. jesus, you're blogging so fast i can't keep up. under-sized people, volka, dancing. i need something like that to walk by the farm. you are out there living the life while i'm here looking out the window, waiting for the bull to breed something.

    1. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I'm not out jumping out of planes or flash mobbing. Although, I may start. Not the plane part, that's just insane troll logic. I'm seriously considering starting a flash mob. Ya know, like in the produce isle or something. I bet I could get my 7yr old in on it. She's still young and dumb enough to do crazy shit without fear of what others will think. I kind of envy her that. Will keep you updated on any and all future flash mob activities.