Okay! I "walked away" for a minute. Lots of reasons to back that, and I'm not saying that I'm back. Nope.. can't promise shit! All I can say is that I need to fucking bleed on my keyboard right now. I just "came out of retirement" on my book review blog www.book-snobs.com and its left me itchy. Here's a story about a girl...
Once upon a time, there was a bored wife/mother/nursing student. She LOVED to read. She always did it the traditional way. You know, go to a physical book store, look for 9 hours, buy the shit on display, read in 4 hours and then tweek for more. THEN one day, said girls (ex) husband gifted her with a kindle. Enter the previously enexplored world of amazon and amazon books.. watch said girl find her first "Indie-Author" (self published) .. that girl fell the fuck in love. The shit that "she" (I'm not saying that it's me.. but I'm not saying its not, either) read was like way fucking better than the shit she was paying a fucking fortune to read because it was popular. In fact, it was not only better, it was cheaper, available with one click from her couch and could go ANYWHERE with her!!! This is the day that a monster was born. This girl fell so hard in love that she needed to share her new discovery with the rest of the world. She spend many many hours online preaching and finally found others of her kind. And when she wanted to give back to said authors who had given her SO MUCH, she put a few words to keyboard by way of an amazon review.Then.. shit happened. Crazy shit! People actually liked what she had to say, and many took her word for gold in their buying process. This lead to a few then self-published authors gettting more and more traffic. She was FAMOUS! And she was high on it all. She sought out her own forum to collect her thoughts and "reviews" on books. A way to give back to the authors who gave her their hearts for like 99 freaking cents! She even named a stray cat after the male lead in the first ever indie author read.
So more and more people started to take notice and she started to see some of these authors become published, and rejoiced as she started seeing her name in the acknowledgements section while their books were available for sale at fucking Walmart! Girl was giddy. This was cool as all shit!
Then, this girl realized that she had more to say, and remembered that she likes to say words like fuck. shit. goddamn. ass... so on and so forth. So, one day while waiting to take nursing boards this girl created another forum where she could let shit fucking fly! Nobody knew about it but she got all this mail about how awesome she was and well, it felt pretty fucking great!!...
But one dark day, an awful awful thing happened. The girl took her state nursing boards and suddenly had a job where she had to save lives and shit. Reading and typing became a bit of a chore. SO FUCKING MANY authors were sending her book after book, just begging for a review. (Apparently she had made a name for herself) and eventually the thing she did for fun started to feel like a bit of a chore. Fucking voulchers....So the girl tried, she really did! But insert a divorce and a bunch of other awful shit, and these things that the girl loved to do so much became just too much and she had to let it go. She "retired". It was a sad day. She ignored all the emails and messages she recieved, asking for more. Goddamn fucking vulchers! And when she did try to pick it back up, she found that she had to sensor herself because people she KNEW were reading! And whats the fun in talking shit to random strangers if you have to cut out all the good stuff to avoid boxing with some bitch you have to be nice to??
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So the girl went all dead to the world of blog. She let it die. It fucking sucked. Then, as a favor to her favorite author.. she spent entirely too fucking long trying to remember her log-in to her review site. She sucked serious donky dick typing out what she thought about the latest and greates book. And she had to NOT curse. Because ya know, Amazon is an asshole. They'll publish a book about some bitch getting her asshole licked but wont let you use the word 'damn' when you review it. ... Off topic. 'Her' bad... So she suddenly remembered how fucking much she loved bleeding all over the keyboard. Especially the part where she could say FUCK a lot! So... she spent another 5 goddamn minutes trying to log into her Rated R blog.. just so she could rant and bitch a bit with no fucking moral to any story for the random people of the world to maybe read.
Also, if this "girl" had kids, they'd still really fucking suck. Ya know, in that way that you want to shake a kid and hug it at the same time. She might also be back to that place where boys are the devil. And maybe, probably, a whole bunch of other shit. I dont know... just asking for a friend.
**She might also like you to know that spell check is being a dick, and its not her fucking fault that her nails are so goddamn long, or that shes out of practice because she works in the only hospital in america who still utilizes paper charting. SHE. Not ME. Just saying.***
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